25 January 2011

captured on video

Just about to sleep one night when I decided to watch my parents’ video on my phone I felt a pang of pain when I saw my Lolo on the video. I can still remember that moment when he was so energetic and laughing. Now I heard he’s sick and getting weaker. I cannot imagine how my dad might have been feeling right now. Then I saw my parents.-my dad giving my mom a teased kiss while he sang. I could not help but cry because somehow, I’ve seen how this family struggled to stand again and again after every failure. How my mom endured all the pain for the peaceful relationship we’ve now achieved. Then I looked at my dad smiling and singing. I don’t see him like that, much often and I couldn’t help but wish that those moments on the video would be a regular scene. But it isn’t. I couldn’t’ help but think of the future when they would be old and now my greatest fear of being alone is clearly defined of the why – because I am scared to wake up one day finding out that my parents aren’t the 30’s they used to be. I hate for them to get old and be weak. I thought about my own family suddenly - that I too would be where they are – with old parents and children videotaping us doing silly things. I’m crying now not of the sadness but of gratefulness that even if my family seemed so dysfunctional on a lot of obvious reasons and aspects, I’m proud of this family. I wouldn’t trade it for any. How I wish I grew up faster and they age old slower so we could have more time spent being friends and buddies.

Heaven won’t wait so don’t hold back.